My personal journey to consistency (3 part series)
CONSISTENCY
I’ve never had it
I wanted it… I would see people accomplish their goals and change their life and get healthy and lose the weight and do things “for 30 days” or whatever the challenge was… and I wouldn’t be able to do it. Ever. I think I managed to do the Whole 30 (30 days clean eating plan) once but all I wanted was ketchup at the end of it so I don’t know how effective it was 🫣
Since 2017 I have sold a supplement routine that helped me so much…. But I would “forget” to take them. Over and over again I was selling supplements to people and it would change their life, but mine was only 55 or 63 or 72% changed…. Not exactly sure because I can’t even tell you how inconsistently I would “do the things” that I was encouraging others to do.
Consistency eluded me… for my entire adult life UP UNTIL THE PAST 8 MONTHS.
Do you want to know how I finally cracked the code? Keep reading!
Is this you?
Can you relate?
Are you so frustrated that you could scream…. Or do you know that you’re giving yourself a “pass” wrapped around layers of excuses?
Does your life look like good intentions, spurts of healthy patterns, only to back slide again? Sometimes faster than even you can believe?
(keep reading for Part 2)
🙏🏻
PART 2 of my CONSISTENCY (or lack there-of!) journey.
I wanted consistency…. I also wanted grace… I wanted to hit goals… I also wanted gentle… I wanted to be hard on myself so I could finally “get my act together” but I didn’t want to have that sort of rigid mindset.
Here’s WHY:
I had already beaten myself into the ground for years with disordered eating, bulimia, anorexia, and over-exercising. I had overcome all of this and literally 0% of my brain was now being consumed with food, dieting, clothing size, etc etc etc. I felt FREE. I loved it. I want this for every single woman actually! At the time I would look at myself in the mirror and think “surely I will continue to count calories until I’m 80 years old.” Nope! NEVER!! 100% free.
AND SO 👇🏻
I was afraid to lose my “freedom.”
I was so afraid that committing to something with strictness would negate the freedom that I had worked so hard to achieve.
I was afraid that if I set a goal and made it non-negotiable, I would fall back into old patterns.
I was afraid that I would have to ignore what my body truly needed for the sake of the goal.
I WAS AFRAID
Can you relate to a fear of beating yourself into the ground? Do you lean heavily towards a more relaxed and grace-filled mindset? Do you love the way you’ve grown to treat yourself with gentleness?
Do you also deep down know that you’re mistaking grace for a pass and you’re still not actually where you want to be?
I promise my next post will have the details of what changed for me.
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PART 3 of my CONSISTENCY (or lack there-of!) journey!!
Drum roll…. Instead of rolling these out one by one in separate blog posts I’m going to summarize them all right here. Maybe to be expanded upon later but I might not make time unless you ask for the deeper details!
5 things changed (maybe more that I haven’t thought of). Don’t get overwhelmed… Below I am walking through them one by one.
FIRST
Last year Daniel bought me an Oura Ring… a smart health tracker that I don’t have to think about and don’t have to charge more than once a week. It tracks my SLEEP and way more. If you can only pick one health goal to work on, please choose sleep. And track it. It’s the start and end of every single day of your life and for women, it’s where our hormones are made!!! Using the Oura has allowed me to make sense to myself…. Why I was in bed for a long time but still waking up exhausted. No more. We’ve got this thing locked down! And my deep sleep has been slowly rising. If you need support with falling asleep or staying asleep I’m sure there might not be things you realize that are affecting you! Work with someone or I’m always happy to chat.
SECOND
You know all of those fears from part 2? (I was afraid that committing to something with strictness would negate the freedom that I had worked so hard to achieve; afraid of falling back into old patterns; afraid of ignoring my body if it needed rest …). Well they had been stopping me from stepping into the 75 hard program for a few years and last fall, a friend told me that all of those fears/excuses were actually EXACTLY why I needed to step in. And so I did. I downloaded the app (a must have), made a PLAN and stuck it out for 75 days. Wowza.
For those of you who have never heard of 75 hard, it’s a lifestyle program with STRICT, non-negotiable, commitments for 75 days. No alcohol, follow some sort of diet (for me it was no dessert), 2 45-min workouts a day (one has to be outdoors), read 10 pages of a physical book, take a progress picture, and drink a gallon of water. DAILY. No excuses. If you miss something you start over. Eeeeeek
Did a gallon of water feel like too much? Hell yes. But did it change my skin? YES!
Did I desperately want to have a glass of wine with my new husband? Yes. But did I see benefits from abstaining completely? Also YES!
Did I need to adjust what I thought of as a workout? Yes. But did I move my body in ways that were exactly what I needed and often? YES! Turns out that gentle stretching (yoga style workouts) for increased mobility is something my body had been crying out for. The TIME I was ‘forced’ to spend ended being a blessing rather than a curse.
Did I feel like I would be judged for saying no to dessert by my step-daughters? Yes. And did I worry that they were watching something unhealthy from a mindset perspective? Very yes. Was it actually that big of a deal and did they care? No, not that I know of.
Did I enjoy the reading but feel totally exhausted by the end of the night and not want to do it? Yes. Did I end up reading more in 75 days than I did all year? FOR SURE.
Did the progress picture feel silly to me? Yup! Did I do it? Reluctantly ;-)
The reason I was able to get it done is because from the very beginning I looked at my weeks as a whole and made a schedule and stuck to it. And you know what that schedule did? My HRV (heart rate variability) steadily INCREASED over the 75 days!!!!
HRV is a marker of heart health and resilience. How well does your heart respond to your life rather than just ticking away in a pre-determined fashion.
I had thought that 75 hard would stress me out to the nth degree…but it was the opposite. Having a plan settled me in to knowing what I needed to fit in and when…. And the lesson I learned from that I want everyone to know!!! MAKE A PLAN TO REACH YOUR GOALS!
If you want more details or encouragement on this, reach out!!!
THIRD
THE BOOK. The book that changed my life forever: One of the books that I read, in completion, during 75 hard was ‘When the Body Says No’ by Dr. Gabor Mate
Please read this book.
It helped me understand the science behind stress-disease connection and why the most self-sacrificial people often end up with chronic life-threatening diseases. It’s one of the saddest things we hear… “Why her??” “Oh goodness she absolutely doesn’t deserve that!” “Her family needs her and she’s such a good wife/mom, etc…”
It ISN’T the physical nature of serving others that creates disease. Disease development is actually determined by our underlying mindset behind WHY we are serving.
As SIMPLY AS I CAN SAY IT 👇🏻
If you are taking care of everyone else in your life because you don’t believe you matter…. DISEASE. (In practicality this looks like you finding your identity in your self-sacrifice. “I’m someone who puts others first.” “I sacrifice myself for the sake of taking care of others.” Etc etc.)
IF you are taking care of your loved ones from a place of calling and knowing you matter just as much as them…. NO DISEASE. (In practicality this means you know your worth and who you are and you say no and stand up for yourself as is necessary.)
Guys…. This book is science based but easy to read and had me in tears. Whether I am saved from some sort of chronic disease or not is tbd because I spent YEARS in the identity side of this equation. It’s only in the last 4 years that all of that died for me. My identity broke because my life broke and I had to put it back together again.
If your life needs to break, maybe let it. You can’t hold it all. Only God is capable of holding you.
FOURTH
The supplement line that I sell went through a REVAMP and is now a once a day dosing model. Not 2 times a day. Not 3 times a day. ONCE. And it takes less than 2 minutes 👏🏼👏🏼. I won’t say more about that here because you already know I struggled with consistency around my supplement and microbiome health routine for years! No more. I am 99% sure I haven’t missed a day since last fall and that is mind blowing to me. Never thought I would see the day!!! Oh and it’s good. So good 😉
FIFTH & Lastly…
I have spent a lot of time working on mindset and gutting out damaging thought patterns from my life…. A big realization that I’ve had this past year is around how we are called to spend our life this side of heaven. As a Christian and growing up in a conservative church, I can’t tell you the number of times that I heard “die to self” - be like JESUS.
And honestly… that’s scriptural! This is why so many of us run around putting ourselves on the back burner for the sake of the needs of others!
When we step back and look at the life of Jesus though. Friends… He KNEW who He was. He was unhurried. He was calm. He wasn’t frantic putting everything on his own shoulders because He WAS and KNEW the only One who can carry it all… and Who actually does Hold everything in His hands.
When He died to self… literally physically died for us, He died out of complete abundance and love. HE DID NOT DIE TO EARN LOVE OR BE LOVED. He poured it out because He was already filled.
I truly believe that if we are called to be conformed to the image of Christ more and more this side of heaven, our identity is the thing we get to know is secure. Not earned by serving everyone else and running ourselves into the ground. Be like Jesus means something very different to me than it did 5 years ago. The striving for identity is gone.
What this looks like for me practically in a few ways 👇🏻
When running late and running out the door and forgot to take my vitamins I tell myself….
“You’re already late, you can be another minute late STEPH!!!!”
This might not seem like a big deal but it’s huge because it actually means I’m letting go of “looking like I have my act perfectly together” and showing up late to wherever I’m going. It’s worth it because I’m worth it.
It looks like making a plan weekly for when I can move my body. If there is ONE thing that helps my nervous system it’s taking a walk. Not one mile, not two miles, but 3 miles. It’s that 3rd mile where I’m surrendered and at peace knowing I’m not in control. And with blending a family… there’s way too much out of my control for me to even try 🙃 (and believe me I tried… and failed. So I’m learning!). When I stop walking I’m missing out on being present with my own brain, and honestly I love the creativity and break-throughs that occur for me on walks.
Instead of “I don’t have time”…. It’s “I make time for what matters.”
I want women to know taht they matter…. We set the tone in every room and in every home. “When mom’s not happy no one’s happy.”
So if we aren’t taking time to settle our nervous systems and take care of our health… (and we are telling ourselves we aren’t selfish because we are spending our time on our families). Maybe switch it to “I’m selfish if I don’t take care of myself because everyone around me pays the price.”
And one final thought…. The second I learned that keeping people happy with me is actually PRIDE…and self-focus, it changed everything. People-pleasers tell themselves that they aren’t selfish, but they are. I was. And you are too…. Stop keeping everyone happy with YOU, because it’s about YOU. Let them deal with their own emotions around however you are choosing to live your life. Tough pill to swallow but once you see it you can’t unsee it!
Ok… I think this is it for now but I would love to hear if you relate to any of this!!!!
